Archive for

July, 2008

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laughmaker (a narrative)

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this is long overdue.
the story

ラフメイカー
作詞:藤原基央

涙で濡れた部屋にノックの音が転がった
誰にも会えない顔なのにもうなんだよどちら様?
「名乗る程 たいした名じゃないが 誰かがこう呼ぶ ”ラフ・メイカー”
アンタに笑顔を持って来た 寒いから入れてくれ」

ラフ・メイカー?
冗談じゃない! そんなモン呼んだ覚えはない
構わず消えてくれ そこに居られたら泣けないだろう

大洪水の部屋にノックの音が飛び込んだ
あの野郎まだ居やがったのか消えてくれって言ったろう
「そんな言葉を言われたのは生まれこの方初めてだ
非常に哀しくなってきたどうしよう泣きそうだ」

ラフ・メイカー?
冗談じゃない!アンタが泣いてちゃ仕様がない
泣きたいのは俺の方さこんなモン呼んだ覚えはない

二人分の泣き声 遠く・・・・・・

ドアを挟んで背中合わせしゃっくり混じりの泣き声
膝を抱えて背中合わせすっかり疲れた泣き声
今でもしっかり俺を笑わせるつもりかラフ・メイカー
「それだけが生き甲斐なんだ 笑わせないと帰れない」

今ではアンタを部屋に入れてもいいと思えたが
困った事にドアが開かない溜まった涙の水圧だ
そっちでドアを押してくれ鍵なら既に開けたから
ウンとかスンとか言ってくれ
どうした?
おい、まさか

ラフ・メイカー?
冗談じゃない!今更 俺一人置いて
構わず消えやがった信じた瞬間裏切った

ラフ・メイカー?
冗談じゃない!逆側の窓の割れる音
鉄パイプ持って泣き顔で「アンタに笑顔を持って来た」

小さな鏡を取り出して俺に突き付けてこう言った 「アンタの泣き顔笑えるぞ」
呆れたが、なるほど笑えた

laughmaker
written and composed by: motoo fujiwara
performed by: bump of chicken

as i was sitting in a room drenched with tears, a stranger came knocking at my door.
being in no state to answer the door, i yelped “who’s there?”

the stranger replied: “I’m just a nobody, passing through.
but some people call me the ‘laughmaker’;
i’ve come to put a smile on your face,
now please hurry and open the door if you will,
it’s getting rather cold outside…”

what on earth is this guy talking about? 
i don’t recall asking for a laughmaker!
“why don’t you bugger off so i can cry in peace”

the room, now flooded with tears, was interrupted by a familiar knock;
“i thought i told you to go away! why the hell are you still here” 

“oh wow, no one’s ever told me that before”
said the laughmaker, as he became deeply saddened.
“what should i do, i think i’m going to cry…”

what on earth is up with this guy?
he’s not supposed to cry,
i’m supposed to be the victim here!

only a door stood in between our turned backs,
as crying, accompanied by occasional wheezing filled the room.
we both hugged our knees and shed tears as our crying eventually became weaker.

and at that moment, i asked;
“are you still thinking about making me laugh, stranger”
the laughmaker replied:
“i’m not going back until you laugh, and you can bet my life on it!”

having heard him say that, i felt it was now safe to let him in;
but no matter how hard i pulled, the door wouldn’t budge.
“the door’s jammed shut because of all the pressure from the tears,
so push the door from your side, stranger.”

but my plea for help was returned to sender;
laughmaker left me no reply.
just as i was starting to trust him,
he abandoned me to cry in solitude once more…

as i was vainly cursing his name,
i suddenly heard a noise coming from the back window.
out of nowhere i saw a  hand holding a steel pipe crash through the window,
with laughmaker crying at the other end, wailing:
“i’m going to make you laugh, no matter what it takes”

safely back in the room,
he took out a small mirror from his inside pocket:
“take a peek, and it will turn your frown upside down”

and as i gazed into the mirror i saw an ugly, puffy face staring back;
although i was taken by surprise, but it sure did make me laugh.

really cool recipe for cake (in a microwave)

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taken from http://www.dizzy-dee.com/recipe/chocolate-cake-in-5-minutes

Ingredients:

4 Tablespoons cake flour
4 Tablespoons sugar
2 Tablespoons
cocoa
1 Egg
3 Tablespoons milk
3 Tablespoons
oil
1 Mug

 

Instructions:

Mix flour, sugar and cocoa:

Spoon in 1 egg

Pour in milk and oil, and mix well

Put in microwave for 3 minutes on maximum power (1000watt)

Wait until it stops rising and sets in the mug

Tip contents out of mug onto saucer and enjoy!

real time translator

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so while i was walking home from class, i was suddenly hit with this idea that in the future speech recognition and human interface software would be so advanced to the point that interpreting and translating will be left entirely up to computers and machines.

this idea crossed my mind when i was thinking back to how advanced tts has become in the past two years (especially those developed by microsoft’s competitors) and when i was reminiscing back to the fact that it IS entirely possible to teach a computer how to speak a (human) language fluently, just impossible to give it its own tongue and a mind to communicate with other humans (and by communicating i mean the exchange of semantically and logically irrelevant language, like the ones only humans are capable of engaging in).

also the fact that a computer is supposeldy incapable of independent bias led me to believe that in the future translation and interpretation will all be outsourced to computers and machinery, unless the field of computational linguistics hits a huge brick wall and fails to progress from now until the end of time.

so in hypothesizing such an occurence of the future, i myself deduced the possible inner mechanism of a computer/program/machine capable of such a feat, and it scared me to think that such a machine could easily be built should the idea catch the attention of interested parties, or to think that there may already BE developers/inventors who could easily build such a mechanism… which led me to come up with a little blueprint of the machine of my own…

these are the key components of my “real time translator”:

1. speech to text
using speech-to-text technology, the machine will acoustically record and analyze the speech being spoken and transfer it into data, most likely in some form of text. http://www.brothersoft.com/downloads/speech-to-text.html is an example of speech to text technology being developed all around the world.

2. sentence breaker/pos tagger/word breaker
after the speech is transformed into analyzable data, the spoken speech is analyzed by a sentence breaker which given its knowledge/background in the syntactic structure of the language being spoken, breaks down the speech cluster into sentences. after the speech is broken down into simple sentences, each word is separated and given a “part of speech” tag, depending on the word’s placement within the sentence and the context of the sentence. The NLP project has demos for POS taggers and it is a widely known fact that Nuance and Microsoft have both been working on sentence breakers/word breakers for a long time now.

3. lexicalization
after each word has been broken down and tagged with a part-of-speech, the word is then referenced to the main language lexicon, which is basically a huge dictionary that stores information regarding how each word is pronunced, its frequency in usage within the language, how the word is used in different parts of speech if such information is applicable and so on. after such information is acquired from the main language lexicon, it needs to be then cross-referenced to a lexicon containing the same information in the target language so that “translation” can take place.

4. pos tagger/syntax builder
now that the “translated” data is available in the target language, another pos tagger needs to be applied in order to correctly label the new data, which will then be fed through a syntax builder in order for it to be correctly and accurately formed into a logical sentence in the target language.

5. text to speech
once the sentence is completely translated into the target language and is found to be syntactically and semantically accurate, the sentence then needs to be fed through a text to speech engine which will then relay the speech back to the targeted audience. text to speech can be found everywhere in the modern computer age, anywhere from global navigation systems, registry id calls, and even in windows pc’s which comes standard with a mediocre version of it in every copy (if you’re bored, go to accesories > accessibility options > text-to-speech)

the understood difficulties of this project are numerous and tantamount in scale: the lexicon will have to be updated on a regular basis to account for new words, terms, and definitions; machine translation would mean that translations will often lack variety and be monotonous in nature; the problem of how to set the machine to deal with terms and data that may not be within the lexicon (i.e. names of people, location, new things that may seem obscure); the irregularity of language that will most definitely throw the machine off course; and also the huge amount of processing power required would make instant translation/interpretation very hard or almost impossible.

but as mentioned before, the benefits of such a machine would be endless as it would bridge countless gaps and holes that are duly formed because of language barriers, although it could effecitively mean that what was once a proud oral tradition of human kind will now be lost and permanantly outsourced to hearltess machines.

oh, and i’d be out of a job too, but that’s beside the point…

お子様にしか受けないお笑い

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7月2日12時14分配信 ツカサネット新聞

数年前から言われているが、現在は空前のお笑いブームであり、どのチャンネルをつけてもお笑い芸人を見ない日はない。お笑い番組のみならず、どんなバラエティ番組にも必ず数組はお笑い芸人が出ている。それだけ現在は芸人が豊富に存在するし、お笑い番組自体もたくさんある。

今、芸人として売れるためには「小学生の間で流行する」がキーワードだと言う。
例えば、

・世界のナベアツの「3のつく数字と3の倍数のときだけアホになる」
・エド・はるみの「グー」
・ジョイマンの自称「ラップ」
・鳥居みゆきの「ヒットエンドラーン!」

などなど、枚挙に暇がない。いずれも元気な小学生が好んでマネしそうなネタばかりだ。

しかし、肝心のレベルは低いと言わざるをえないのではないだろうか。こういったネタは、どちらかというと一発ギャグとも言うべきであり、何度もやると飽き られる。また、オチやツカミに持ってくると、流行している間は一応は笑いを取れることから、ネタの中心部分は適当になりがちである。これは漫才やコントで 追求される「純粋にしゃべりの内容で笑いを取る」という要素を全く無視した芸風だと言える。

いわゆる「イロモノ」である。

実際にお笑い番組を観ていると、ほとんどがイロモノで占められている。こういった芸は初見では笑いどころがわかりにくいためか、「笑うべき部分」で編集作業によってかなり大きな音量で笑い声が入っていたり司会者の爆笑している顔がアップになったりする。

つまり、ブームはテレビ局によって作られている部分が大きいのではないだろうか。

しゃべり自体が面白くないため、芸人の命は一発ギャグが受けている間だけ。そして、飽きられたら消えていく。芸人使い捨ての構図はこうしてできている。

売れるための足がかりは一発ギャグでかまわないと思う。「しゃべりが面白い」という特徴はすぐにはわかりにくいからだ。しかし、せっかく一発ギャグで視聴者に認知されたのなら、潔く一発ギャグは捨ててしまって、もっと普遍的な笑いを追求するべきではないだろうか。

また、事務所やテレビ局もお笑い低レベル化を招いている。そもそも「笑うべき部分」というのは見せる側が操作すべきものではない。

本当に面白い芸ならばおのずと笑いが生まれるはずだ。今のままでは、大人が観て心から笑えるお笑い番組は復活しない。